For some, Valentine’s Day is not a day given much thought, but for others it can be a lot of painful or
fond memories with an ex-spouse or simply the understandable feeling of loss amongst other emotions.
Here are some tips to help you feel grounded and secure on your first Valentine’s Day as you embark
on this next chapter in your life.
Make a plan for the day.
If you’re especially dreading February 14th, a plan to get through the day is helpful. Is there something
you’ve been looking forward to doing, but just haven’t been able to find a reason to do? Now is the
time to treat yourself a little bit. Plan a hike, a Zoom chat with a friend you haven’t heard from in a
while, or participate in an activity which brings you joy. Staying off social media as part of your plan is
also a healthy way to tackle the day.
Celebrate the love in your life
Just because you don’t have the romantic love you had in your relationship doesn’t mean there isn’t
plenty of love around for you! The love from your children, friends and family is just as valuable as
any romantic love you can get, so take this day to appreciate them. Even if Covid keeps you from being
physically together, you can still reach out and feel their love and support.
Reconnect with someone
After divorce, you may be feeling a little a hole in your heart or in your life. What better way to start
closing that hole than by reintroducing someone into your life that you lost touch with but would love
to re-connect? All of us in our adult lives have undoubtedly lost touch with people that were once
important to us, and we can all do a better job of showing people we care about them and want them in
our lives. Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to reach out to someone who has been missing in your life.
Buy yourself a “gift”
Buying yourself a little something is a small way to remind yourself that loving yourself is an important
and powerful love. Small acts of kindness towards yourself can be so helpful in lifting you out of a
funk. Buy yourself a new plant, a book, a piece of art, or anything else that might fill you with a little
Be kind to yourself.
If you’re feeling a little nostalgic about Valentine’s Day’s past, that is okay and completely normal. You
don’t need to feel guilty or fearful in indulging in the memories of the good times, even if those
memories are of your past relationship. Sometimes that is an essential part of the healing process, and
give yourself permission to make room for those feelings. Once you have given it space, be mindful to
put them away and move forward. And if you’re not ready to walk down memory lane, that’s okay,
day in a way that works for you.
Remember, it will get better!
The feelings of loneliness and isolation are enhanced on Valentine’s Day, but remember this is all part
of the journey towards post-divorce healing. Keep your eye on the prize: finding happiness in your new
life without your ex. Divorce recovery does take some time and work but you will get there and thrive.
Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to practice settling into this life that is completely your own.