Getting back in the dating scene is perhaps the most feared element of divorce. How does one reenter
a world that they’ve been away from for so long? But there are plenty of people out there seeking a
new life after divorce—including a new love life.
Dating after divorce is going to feel uncomfortable at first. It may be their first time you’ve gone on a
proper date or been with another person romantically in a long, long time. That discomfort is what
keeps people out of the game, but, unfortunately, it’s just part of the process. It’s likely that you may
have a few bad dates—that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try!
That fear of discomfort and something totally new can be a barrier, but you can get back out there in a
meaningful way. If you stay true to yourself, finding new people that fit into your new life may not be
so hard after all. We’ve got a few tips to make the transition a little easier.
1. YOU DON’T HAVE TO RUSH IT
Your divorce ends with more than just losing your spouse. You may lose connections with close
friends, not get to spend a lot of time with your kids, and so on. Divorces can be emotionally draining,
so before you hop back into the dating world, make sure you’ve put in some quality effort to heal from
those wounds before you’re ready to commit to a new, healthy relationship.
But dating doesn’t have to be all about finding another relationship. In fact, maybe post-divorce that’s
the last thing on your mind. But you’re probably still seeking some new human connection. Either way,
committing to healing yourself is essential before investing in someone else.
2. REMEMBER YOUR NON-NEGOTIABLES
But there are some really exciting parts of divorce, too. For starters, you can revamp your life
completely. You can take some time off of the world and self-reflect. Ask yourself, how did you choose
a partner last time? What qualities of your ex did you dislike? What about them ticked you off the
most? What about them brought the worst in you?
Coming to terms with the answers to these questions will make it easier to stay true to yourself
throughout the new process of post-divorce dating. When you’ve been out of the dating game for so
long, it can be easy to get lost when you jump back in. Your sense of self will be your best anchor.
3. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF AND THE PROCESS
While you must rebuild your romantic life, it’s also essential you do it at your own pace. It’s not
written in stone the amount of time it will take for you to be over your ex.
In fact, the period right after the divorce is likely to leave you hurting, lonely, and even angry. In turn,
your new date might be a rebound. Plus, chances are, you want to talk about your ex relentlessly. Be it
praises or complete hatred, processing all these emotions can take time.
At the same time, don’t jump into things as soon as you meet someone you like, it’s never a good
idea. Dating means being vulnerable to the right person. It also means opening up to foster new and
healthy connections. Now, if you’re dating out of a need rather than a want, chances are, you’re not
looking to build a lasting relationship. Instead, you want a simple hookup.
It isn’t exactly a wonderful idea—take a breather, relax, and keep your pace slow. Rediscover yourself,
map out a dating plan, and enjoy your new dates.
4. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE ADVENTUROUS
No matter your opinions on technology, the fact is that we’re living in the era of online dating.
Present-day, there’s an extensive range of apps and online sites through which you can connect with
new people.
It may feel overwhelming at first but, trust us, it’s an excellent way to meet your new partner. Online
dating allows you to converse with a variety of different personalities. On the flip side, this safe and
super convenient communication method lets you modify the app settings to match with compatible
partners.
Apart from utilizing online dating apps, joining an online club or groups is a great way to meet
like-minded people. Apps like Squad, Tinder social, Grouper, and so on allow like-minded people to
connect with each other.
5. TRY DATING SOMEONE WHO’S NOT ‘YOUR TYPE’
You wouldn’t want history to repeat itself, and therefore you’re highly skeptical. Not to mention, going
after the same type closes doors to so many possibilities. The world is full of people that aren’t ‘your
type,’ and that’s not a bad thing at all! You don’t have to compromise yourself, but you also don’t have
to go with the same ol’ vanilla flavor that you always have.
Instead, it’s a great idea to match with someone who’s the total opposite of your previous encounters.
Mix it up! Go for a hike, take an art class together, explore the city on your bikes, try something new.
6. REMEMBER THE TWO ESSENTIAL C’S
More important than physical features are the two C’s, i.e., character and compatibility. Instead of
searching for chemistry, ask yourself whether you two are compatible. Will the person accept your
complex past and present? Do you both desire the same kind of things in life, aka living circumstances,
financing, and marriage?
At the same time, don’t feel pressured to introduce your new partner to your family instantly. In fact,
experts recommend you wait until six months before making a grand introduction. Knowing what
exactly you’re looking for throughout this process will ensure that you’re able to make those judgment
calls with confidence.
7. DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY
Here’s the thing; divorce is a rollercoaster causing a flurry of different emotions in you. From anger to
sorrow to even loneliness and grief, it’s bound to be a challenging and confusing period in your life.
Take this opportunity to grow. Find things that make you happy and, if you want, find a date to
accompany you on your festive activities. You don’t have to go back to dating just yet—or even ever.
But if you’re reading this article, that may be a signal that you’re ready to try. But make sure you’re
doing this for you, not because you feel like it’s what you’re supposed to be doing.
8. DON’T COMPARE AND DESPAIR
Like we already said, dating after divorce is inherently uncomfortable. It’s obviously not going to
feel anything like what you got comfortable with in your marriage, and that’s okay! The whole
point of divorce is leaving behind one phase of your life to start something new and fresh. Don’t
compare your new life—and the people in it—to the old one.
9. BE FLEXIBLE
Dating after divorce can be extremely bumpy—but that’s part of the fun! Opening yourself up to
new experiences is what it’s all about. You don’t have to lower your expectations of people, but
maybe allow some wiggle room for things that you’re not used to. Not every
dating-after-divorce experience is going to be great. Some might be downright awkward. But at
least you are opening yourself up to your new world—that’s growth.
Dating after divorce is a daunting task, and it’s a scary time in your life. It’s okay to feel what you
feel—even if that feeling is fear, or something else negative. You have every right to be a little
nervous about post-divorce dating. Dating itself can be super awkward, and when you factor in
the emotional roller coaster from your divorce, diving back in can be that much more
intimidating. That’s why it’s important to do it at your own speed, on your own terms, with a
strong sense of self.
